Pho-to Shoots: Paint Me Shocked!

Just as a note to whoever has not seen America's Next Top Model, and doesn't feel like sitting through a marathon, you can see more pho-tos on a few different sites: avapple@pixnet has pretty much every pho-to from all the shoots, but the site is in Chinese. Also, All-ANTM is an excellent site, that also has modeling pho-tos for the girls from outside the show. Just don't think that I'll 'critique' those shoots.

Cycle 2: The Colors of Temptation

Concept: This shoot is a bit of a conundrum for me. On the one hand, nothing screams 'fun + games for all!!' quite like stripping girls and guys naked, painting them up Adam-and-Eve style, and throwing them in front of a camera. On the other hand, nothing screams 'great contact lenses!!' like the above scenario, right? Right??? Whatever, B+
Composition: I could go on and on about the shitty makeup on the male models, or Looks of Utter Bewilderment (from here on, shortened to LoUB) on these girls, but who cares about them. On this shoot, the entire focus is placed on the girls' body paint, and for good reason: it's gorgeous! Seriously, I can't do justice to it in a single blog post alone, but check it out for yourself. A
Execution: Huh, what was this a pho-toshoot for, again? I was too entranced by the chain-snakes on Chainmail Girl's thigh. But don't think that's the only thing I'm dinging on this shoot. I was deprived of a potentially-beautiful body mural because a certain plus-sized model didn't wanna get nude, and I'm PISSED. C
Overall: It's all in the paint! A-

Cycle 8: The Colors of Cavities

Concept: Well, on the cover, it seems as though this shoot is just a slight retooling of the above shoot: they're still nude, with snakes replaced by sweet desserts, male models by giant ice cream popsicles, and this time, no backing from a sponsor. It should be fitting of the same grade as above, it would seem. B+
Composition: Oh hell no. This shoot is FAR worse, an example of everything that can go wrong with a shoot. I think I'll make a list to detail how bad this is:

1. The set LOOKS extremely cheap, with shag carpeting, spray-painted walls, and clearly-plastic props, usually where it serves no purpose.
2. The make-up, candy, syrup and whatever else is dripping off of these girls, drooling into a nasty mess.
3. The lighting in the background is fucked to all hell, expressedly because of the depths of the cheap box set.
   
4. And most profoundly, LoUB doesn't begin to describe the girls this time around; it's more like they're trying to be sexy/fierce while covered in gooey mess, and holding REAL ice cream, that's REALLY cold. And of course, failing miserably.

If you didn't guess already, this grade is an F.
Execution: Maybe I was a bit harsh on this shoot, but if I was, it's because I had high hopes for it. I'm a man with a sweet tooth, and I don't like watching sugary confections be tossed around and smeared any old way. As a concession, I'll say that there was at least one decent shot, so the shoot wasn't a TOTAL failure. D+
Overall: A sugar-filled mess, with a few edible pieces. D-

Timed Out

Unfortunately, due to numerous extenuating circumstances, there won't be a pho-to post up today. Bummer for everyone. I might have one up in the next two days, but if anything, it'll probably be something different altogether. In the meantime, tease your brain with the pretty picture above. (No cookie if you actually figure it out, though)

Pho-to Shoots: What Goes Up, Must Come Down

Cycle 3: High Flying In A Hangar

Concept: I get it. It's an energy drink ad, and the drink gives you enough energy to fly, jump high, whatever. Except Red Bull already did it. I haven't tried YJ Stinger, but I highly doubt it's good enough to trump Red Bull's shtick. B-
Composition: Due to the nature and budget of this show, many of the shoots are stuck with limitations in locations, props, and so forth. This is one shoot where the output manages to outshine those limitations (literally). The 'dresses' have an appropriate whimsy and movement to them, while at the same time the girls have an energy fitting for this Red-Bull-knockoff (when a look of utter bewilderment isn't pasted on their faces). A-
Execution: Even though you would have a hard time telling it's an energy drink ad without a microscope or the words "YJ STINGER" plastered across the photo, I would say that it accomplished its goals. Word of advice, shoot producers: next time, put the girls on wires; these girls aren't capable of jumping and 'being fierce' at the same time. B+
Overall: Somehow, it managed to transcend its lackluster product. B

Cycle 6: Once Upon A Time...

Concept: ...in a land of wonderment and contrived editing, there was a group of producers who wanted to capture the enchantment of childhood fairy tales in a bunch of mediocre models. But wait! said one producer, we don't have a sponsor for this shoot. Never fear, we will have the models falling in the forest, and our follies will go unnoticed by the viewing public. A-
Composition: As the girls managed their way through the magical forest, their greatest peril was not tripping, or the editing traps, but the bright, bright "sun" and trees as white as snow, which proceeded to drown out any color close to white. Alas, the light background could do little to summon any godmothers or Prince Charmings, so the models and producers were sad. C+
Execution: In the end, the viewing audience was too distracted by the other shiny things like 6-inch stripper heels and models falling while walking, so the producers were happy. They got right to work on finding more sponsors, and everyone lived happily ever after (except tall Sara, see above). B-
Overall: Fierceness, princesses, and forest do not a fairy tale make. B-
Extra Credit: Forgetting that Little Boy Blue is a nursery rhyme, not a fairy tale.

Pho-to Shoots: Bikini Bash

In case you haven't seen, check out The Rules.

Cycle 1: Bikinis, Part 1: On Top of Building

Concept: Well, if there's any reason for a bunch of skinny girls to get almost-naked, it's... while standing on a rooftop. Out of all of the intriguing and captivating premises for a bikini advo, but they chose this one. Whatever, since reflective buildings make an interesting background, and this was the first shoot of this hodge-podge of "art", I'll cut it some slack. C+

Composition: For a shoot that was on top of a random building, they managed to turn out some good photos. Sure, the sun might've been playing hide-and-seek with the camera, but when it was out, it managed to make some otherwise-rough girls fit for presentation. B
Execution: As a way to show the world that these girls aren't too old/fat/short to become models, and to put their (admittedly nice) bodies into the spotlight, it did its job all the way. As an advertisement to convince me to buy J.Lo's swimsuits, um... no. I could blame it on the models or photos, but I'd rather blame the badly-fitting suits. C
Overall: Kinda low-budget and bland, but what did you expect for the first pho-to shoot of them all? C

Cycle 3: Bikinis, Part 3: In Jamaica

Concept: Two cycles after the last bikini shoot, they finally step things up a notch for the bikini shoot: plop the girls in a locale that's known for being a place to get down to your swimsuit. Sure, it was mostly intended as a weird gimmick, but who the hell cares -- it's JAMAICA. A-
Composition: Most of the photos here were, shockingly, pretty good. Of course, our friend Mr. Sun is helping out with that as usual. And on another note, the bikinis actually fit! The only major issue is the fact that half of the photos are tilted at a weird, ungainly angle. Be careful, girls: you might slide right off the rocks. B
Execution: Unlike the shoot right above this one, this one seemed to serve both of its purposes well. Each one of those girls looks SLAMMING, and with a few exceptions, the bikinis look great on them. It's not exactly cutting-edge, but it'll do. B+
Overall: Definitely a step up from past blandness. B+
[Edited to change shoot title]

America's Next Top Pho-to Shoots

Welcome to my new blog, 'Villain of the Year'. This shit's just gonna be a catch-all place for me to put stuff, but for now, I'm gonna start out with something I call...

America's Next Top Pho-to Shoots

Somehow, I caught the ANTM bug, and now I can't help but have an opinion on this shit. Since I've seen so many different places doing recaps, and I'm not one to jump on a bandwagon, I'm just gonna stick to the photoshoots, and how ridiculous they are. Here are the rules:

1. I'll critique two shoots per post, two posts per week on Monday and Friday. Most likely, they won't be in airing order AT ALL, so it'll be a surprise what shoots you get. [EDIT: If I feel inclined, I might throw up a post on Wednesdays.]
   
2. Each shoot will be graded on three points:
• Concept: How interesting, innovative, or realistic the premise of a shoot happens to be. Suffice it to say, a dull, outlandish, or outright dumb shoot isn't gonna score high.
• Composition: The technical details of the photos as a whole, such as lighting, element positions, model poses, and so on. One shitty photo isn't going to lower the shoot's score, but if all of the photos have the same problem...
• Execution: How well the photo shoot achieved what it sought to accomplish as a whole. Granted, it might be difficult to know since I'm not the photographer or the artistic director, but I'll give it a shot.
3. All three grades will be averaged together, and an overall grade will be given; I reserve the right to modify with plusses and minuses (duh), or offer extra credit for "interesting extras" (hot male models).
4. All photoshoots and commercials are fair game, except for the final CoverGirl shoots; there's only so much difference between those, and I don't have the skill to make those differences interesting.

So, now that we've got those boring rules out of the way, let's get to the main event in the next post.